Dear Daughter #1 - I apologise for boys but make no excuses for them. Your independence, and I being your father.
I will council you, present you options but you will forever be your own person.
Dear Daughter,
I want to start by apologising for all of the boys and guys you will encounter in your journey in life… Why..? Not to make an excuse for them but they are all trash. They are all lost in this mist of bravado, bashfulness and pride that they mimic from male adults who believe they are men… Like I explained to your older brother(s) - inshallah - the journey of becoming a man and being a man are two separate things. You will get hurt by insensitivity, and people telling you what to do and who to be. And, you know what? I, too, will fall victim to these things. Whoever your mother will be, I will learn her, understand her as she will be the essence of you but as you change in society, I, too, will go wrong in places and situations of learning you.
I can be stubborn, my stubbornness has me climbing into new destinations but, I understand that the time, in which, I grew up, will be different from the world you are, and/or will be facing. I will never claim to own you or force you to do anything. There are fathers out there that ‘project’ their own fears onto their daughters about men… I understand it. A lot of guys have done things and treated women disgustingly and in turn, fear that the same things - they have done and/or saw - will happen to their ‘little princess’. I will not be one of them. I will guide you like how I guide your brother(s) and we can talk through all of your ‘male’ - or female - situations. Use your mother as a guide, if I have chosen right and she has chosen right, you will be born into an environment that is amplified with love and peace but I understand that ‘good times can make people who are weak’.
I don’t believe in girls should do set things, if you see something you are interested in then by all means try it, learn it and if it isn’t for you leave. Naturally, through genetics, your brother(s) will grow stronger than you but just because they are stronger than you don’t believe the battles you engage in with them they will win. Strength means nothing, if you have a strategy to win, whether it’s physical fights or the battle of the mind, I am here to help you succeed - and this includes whooping your brother(s) at things. The world will see you different though, you will not have the same excuses that they make for boys but don’t be frustrated by this, use it to your advantage. A mollycoddled child is a dependent child, and therefore your independence and confidence will give you the extra fuels to rise above it, and them.
You have far more traps and expectations, beauty standards to adhere to or how you should look, act and feel in your skin. Don’t listen. Be who you need to be and believe in your own skin and if it gets too intense for you, I will be your council of reason. I will never pick sides, I will sit on the fence and leave you to decide your own actions. I can and will only supply you with the tools and information to win but I care more about your identity and your internal freedom.
Sexual liberation is a trap like I wrote to your brother(s) and said that many die in the sea of Indulgence. The power remains with you, your mind, body and soul - your emotions - but understand that sex in itself creates a connection. Make sure whoever you chose to be intimate with is ‘emotionally available’ to you and that you are emotionally available to them. Don’t be blinded by good looks or status or guys that may remind you of the safety and support that I give. Remain focus and observe them ‘for them’ because these fairytales lie. There is no real ‘prince charming’. The man you want, you will HAVE to have a hand in sculpturing and creating but always do it with good intentions.
Never use me as a benchmark for what a man should be. I am your father, so therefore by default - for you -, I will do anything, within reason. Don’t use the “my dad would do x for me, so I expect that from my man” because they are not me, drop that expectation…
No expectations then you can not get your heart broken but you then, therefore, live in that moment. Experience them, enjoy their company and learn from them because it will show you two things: What you want in this life and who you don’t want to be, and It’s easier to find out what you dislike than what you like but, always make your choices from an informed position.
Like I will explain to your mother “there will be times you will hate me, times that you don’t want to be around me or I will get on your nerves” just understand these times will come due to changes and our communication style will have growing pains as it evolves. You will read the letters I wrote to your brother(s) and understand that I come from a broken world, so forgive me if I project anything on you. I am not perfect but to me, even with your imperfections, you will be my perfect little girl, which, I can not wait to nurture and turn into a woman. Your mother will be perfect to me with all of her imperfections too, so also forgive me and her, if she also projects on you too.
I will protect you, guide you and be your council. I will lead when I need to lead but I will NOT define you. And whenever the time you see fit, to bring a suitor you believe is suitable for you, I will learn them and their family the same way I have learnt you.
If the Lord willing and I meet you I will love you unconditional but I will reinforce your independence - this is important to me. I will explain that you can use me as a base level but never make another person/partner a comparison. They will have battled you and you would apply passive dominant. This means you would battle and lose but at the same time win.
Love dad x